check this shit out, yo!

Oh blog, I have neglected you so.  I have two assignments due this week, so obviously I’ve watched a retarded amount of Project Runway and Stylista, and cleaned a ridiculous amount (no kidding, I vacuumed the top of my wardrobe. Really.)

I like to pride myself on being, overall, a pretty polite person. I say please and thankyou (my brother beat me into submission once because I didn’t say thanks to a busdriver), and although I swear pretty bad, I’m not aggressive about it, and censor myself when it’s inappropriate. Basically, I try not to be a total dick all the time. 

What I don’t get, is how some people can do just the opposite. I’ve worked in a fairly busy cafe for a few years now, started when I was probably 15 or something, and it constantly astounds me how rude and self-entitled people act. I constantly want to slap these ridiculous people and scream at them “Oh my god! You’re not going to die because your coffee took an extra five minutes! At least you’re not a fucking starving child in Uganda!”. Anyway, I have a fair bit of pent-up rage which my parents bear the main brunt of.

I just don’t understand how people can feel justified in trying to belittle some girl working in a cafe. I’m going to be honest; I look my age. I’m just shy of 18, and I look it, maybe a few years older at a stretch. Then I think back to being 15, working the same job and having these ridiculous older men (I’m guessing 60ish) treat me like an idiot because I ask them what type of coffee they want when they gruffly yell “A coffee!” at me. Every time I work, I have the joy of someone (and this is the usual 60ish year old man) enunciating every syllable at me like I’m functionally retarded. Or the absolutely hilarious: ”I’ll have a coffee, and can it be drinkable?!“. You know what? No. I’m going to burn the fuck out of your coffee and then shit in it, you absolute cunt. I am so sick of you and your middle-aged friends. 

And that is what else irks me like nothing else: this absolutely fucking ridiculous concept of the uncultured yoof being so distasteful and unmannered and all their texting and drugs and teh internetz and teh secks, and I’m not going to deny that that exists, but FOR REAL, ninety-five percent of the absolutely rude (scratch that, include the mildly rude and generally annoying) customers are over forty, and are probably mostly over fifty. Young people tend to order retarded things like skim drinks that contain like five scoops of ice cream and a handful of chocolate bars and ridiculous amounts of whipped cream, but I can forgive them that because they are, on the whole, nice about it. I’ve had guys around my age who are fairly obviously junkies who can bring themselves to be more polite than these bitchy, middle-aged Western suburbs women. Hear that, Mrs. “I have a son who goes to Scotch and a house in Dalkeith”? Junkies are nicer than you.

So here’s an open letter to everyone who will ever go into a cafe, shop or basically, anywhere:

Firstly:
Be a nice person. It doesn’t cost you money, and will take the same amount of time as you being a dick. What makes you think that it is okay to treat me like I’m a fucking idiot, and somehow not worth you spending two seconds to be courteous towards me? If you’re a nice person, I will go out of my way to do something for you (even your retarded requests for 3/4 skim, 1/4 full cream milk). I’ll make your coffee as best as I can, and get it to you as quickly as possible (you don’t know how often orders get put to the back of an already ridiculous queue if you’re a total bitch), all with a smile.

Secondly:
It’s not just me who notices these things. Everyone in the line and sitting near you can hear you ordering or complaining. When you act like a total dick, everyone hates you. The same goes for when you bring your screaming child into a cafe. I love kids. I am a children-person. But I don’t love them when they have been screaming for twenty minutes straight, and everyone blames you for bringing them into an environment they obviously aren’t mature enough for. And you might think it’s okay, because it’s just your kid and it’ll be over soon enough, but you’re wrong. It’s every fucking retarded parent who thinks their kid is the only kid to scream for 20 minutes straight, but in reality, I have to hear screaming for my entire shift at work.

Thirdly: 
 If you are in that much of a hurry, why the fuck are you stopping for coffee?! The number of people that come into work all “UM I NEED A COFFEE BUT LIKE, I’M IN A BIG RUSH SO LIKE, CAN IT BE QUICK?” is ridiculous. Basically, you want to take precedence over the people that ordered before you and have been patiently waiting because you’re fucking incapable of either being on time, or going without a coffee on the way to work? AND, if you want to order a coffee: get off your fucking phone. When I stand there waiting for you to order whilst you talk like a fucking imbecile on the phone to your probably equally imbecilic (I just made that word up) friend, you look like a total douche. Especially when you then look at me and huff, as if I’ve interrupted your private conversation when I’m patiently waiting for you to order. After you’ve walked up to me (who is standing still, in my place of work) and continued to talk on the phone. Also, I can’t take your fucking order properly if you refuse to stop your other conversation. You know what? I can see you’re on the phone. I’m not going to take longer than necessary. I, unlike you, am not a dick. So don’t blame me when your order is wrong, or you don’t know that there’s a wait, or everyone else hates you because you’re a total dick.

Fourthly (I am aware this is dragging on a bit):
I do not do things in order to deliberately piss you off. Nor am I in charge of most of the things that happen in this cafe. When I tell you that your coffee will be in a take-away cup because we’re closing in two minutes, I’m telling you that because we’re closing in two minutes, and we’ve all been here for eight or nine hours already, and it takes long enough to fucking close up without having to clean up your dirty shit that you’re going to take too long to drink anyway. Paper cups aren’t that bad, and if you find them so offensive, deal with it. You’ve had a fifteen hour and forty-five minute window of opportunity to get a cup of coffee that wasn’t a take-away, and you’ve fucking missed it. And you know what else? I’m a teenage girl working at a chain coffee shop. I don’t control the opening hours, so when you bitch at me about us closing too early (at eleven o’clock at night, fuck you), what the fuck do you expect me to do about it? If it’s that much of a problem, write a fucking letter to the head office and have a bitch to them about it, and they still won’t stay open later cause you’re the only person to have come in in the past hour, and the streets are totally empty ten minutes after you come in. 

I’m pretty sure I have a whole heap of other stuff to bitch about but I shall leave it there because this is really fucking long. 

-Sally

Motherfuckers! I know I am about three months late, but humour me. What did y’all think about AW09 collections? Favourites? Were you repulsed by anything? I only just got around to having a squiz around some collections… pathetic, I know. 

Personally, I loved some of the detailing in the Comme des Garcons collection. The slightly drawn in waists in the huge layered coats? The collars? Mmmm. And I don’t think I need to go on about how much I love muted colour palettes – yet another reason to love winter. 

The Chloe collection was amazing too. Elegant, classic, refined (although I don’t think I’m ever going to love bunched cuff trousers, no matter how often they are in the Sartorialist).

Balmain jackets omg. The whole tuxedo jacket trend is something I am hugely fond of (I think I’ll always love a cuffed blazer or tuxedo sleeve.)

Jil Sander’s collection was amazingly elegant, and although I found many of the clothes fairly uninspiring, I thought the use of colour was fantastic. The muted tones then BLAM, yellow motherfuckers!  (This was pretty cool in Prada too, the muted greys and browns with crazy reds, the whole thing looked like sepia or B+W then toned with vibrant reds afterwards. I loved some of the Prada knits too, but seriously, thigh-high waders? I’m all for gumboots but…really?!).

Missoni’s layering of powder blue tuxedos and dusty pinks with muted yellow accessories was pretty great. Got me all happy. The pastels worked well as a contrast to so many greys and blacks, but didn’t offend my winter loving, muted colour sensibilities… snort chuckle.

Although I didn’t fall in love with a lot of the Fendi pieces, the overall aesthetic was something I can appreciate and relate to. Christopher Kane didn’t make me all gooey-eyed like last year but I did love the use of the sheer neutral tones with black detailing. 

There was a huge amount of architectural folding around. Good? I like it when it’s more fitted (like the Balenciaga skirts) but I am totally not into the great big folds I’ve seen all over the place for a while now (a la Lanvin, Victor + Rolf, Miu Miu… frankly, big ugly folds: do not want)

RODARTE: NO! I did not like you at all.

GALLIANO: I am sorry, some of your skirts may have flowed very nicely but you were a hot tranny mess. 

ANNE VALERIE HASH: I am sorry but no.

I am sure there is more. Please tell me opinions!

Photos via Scout Holiday.

-Sally

I am sorry La Rare! I am sorry, but I do not like your heeled cutout brogues! 

Brogues, I like. Heeled brogues, I like. But these heeled cutout brogues that I’ve been seeing freaking everywhere for probably the last year, I do not like.

I even mentioned to dearest mother that I was looking to invest (yes, invest) in a nice pair of brogues, she immediately starts pointing out these abhorrences* whilst I recoil in disgust:

“No, mother. Not like that.”

In other news…

Dear block heels: I do not like you either.

PS: Baptiste Viry, I get you are going for that whole androgynous thing. I get it. You are all about the waistcoats: I am into that too. I am into what you are doing. However, the model in your lookbook, she looks like a man. I really had to consider for some time whether or not she was in fact a she. Perhaps this is what you are going for, but I do not like it. I do like your waistcoats though.

PPS: If only I had seen the neon leopard print Christopher Kane cardy sooner: I would have bought the cheap leopard print jumper (which was walking the precarious line between awful and fantastic) down at the local shops. Unfortunately, I am not quite cool enough to carry things like that off without some kind of trend to back me up. Yes, I am the lamest person I know.

Also: I stumbled onto the Alex and Chloe site and fucking wept that I couldn’t have pretty much most things.

And lastly: Wearing black does not make me a goddamn Goth. Frankly, if you think I look like a Goth you are a fucking idiot because I really, really don’t. So you can stop now, Mother and also boy who studies podiatry who I don’t really know.

I know I haven’t posted in months or whatever but that is all I have to say.

- Sally

*I had so many issues trying to find out if this was a real word or not. I think, yes?

Okay, a whole bunch of more stuff.

This video is sweet. I don’t particularly like the song, I don’t dislike it all that much either. I like stop motion things, in any case.

Also, I have found some funny websites!

http://www.badpaintingsofbarackobama.com/

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com

http://thisisindexed.com

My head hurts so you’ll just have to deal with no proper links. 

-Sally

Today, our linguistics lecturer showed us this video. 
This is what you get from studying at the state’s most prestigious university. 

-Sally

Oh, I know I’ve been terrible. Let’s just say I am easily distracted? There have been exams, festivals, the rents going away and subsequent house parties. As such there’s been less internet trawling and more hangovers.
HOWEVER
I do have some goodies for you all!

Local photographer Lloyd Hughes takes some fucking stunning photographs (sometimes, I know the people in the photographs… but mostly not). He takes a whole heap of photos at events like the now-demised Horror Shop, contributed at Super Sampler (which is a super duper lomo exhibition on now at Behind the Monkey 479 Beaufort Street Mt Lawley), takes photos of bands such as the Voltaire Twins, Autumn Isles, and local labels like Igor & Katja (certainly a busy lad). Anyway, my point is, go check out some of his lovely photographs and give him a great big smile (or rather, don’t and preserve your indie-ness) if you see him around.

-Sally

Dudes! I have been reading a whole heap of StyleBubble. I think that…maybe you should as well? If you want! I may have written about it before when I was talking about fashion blogs, but stylish lady Susie Bubble writes some interesting things about fashion and all that. She has crazy individual style and I have oodles of love for her (perhaps I am weird and also a little stalkerish? It is possible). I have also been weird and stalkerish in regards to Sanna of the Vagabond Set.. Is it weird to live vicariously via other people’s blogs? Lordy I need to leave the house more often! I kid, I do not spend all my time on the internet (I totally do).

-Sally

Epic lulz? I laughed, anyway.

-Sally

Today I discovered something wonderful! The lovely people at dropstitch linked to wickedshift (that is us, everyone thinks we are check this shit out, which frankly I prefer, but diplomatically, wickedshift it is, in accordance with a long running joke, long running in a similar manner to these brackets).

That is basically all I have to say, I have nothing interesting to show you as I’ve been in various places with no internet for the past however long. However, you ought to watch/listen to some Mitch Hedberg, he says funny things sometimes. Youtube him or something!

Also, I just discovered welikethreads, which is a Perth fashion blog. I am unsure about it so far, but my friend had his photo taken at Bloc Party and looks hilariously contemptuous.

Basically I was just happy someone linked to us. That is all!

-Sally

Well, I’ve gone and found y’all a whole bunch of excellent stuff to look at! There is no need to thank me (there is).

First up is an animated short film by a dude called Patrick Smith.

I think it is wonderfully sinister, in the same way the Disney adaptation of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is.

What I also have for you is a fantastic Toshiba ad! I though it was totally rad.

No doubt, once you have seen it you will be all “Oh wow how did they make that?!”
DON’T FRET. I have the making of video! Don’t worry, it is only like 3 minutes long! It is pretty great, though.

YET THERE IS MORE. Not in video form though! Hilariously enough, I saw on my Facebook feed Lyndon and another friend talking about jerking off to some photo of Sarah Blasko and Katy Steele. Being the curious cat I am, I (perhaps naively?) followed the link. Pleasant surprises awaited though, I found myself at the website of Sydney based photographer Daniel Boud. It is over here! It is pretty good! I like it. There is a great variety of photos, from Sydney’s zombie lurch to band photos to commissioned food pictures.

From there I found myself at the website of Cybele Malinowski. She too, is rather rad. I think she takes a whole bunch of photos for Jmag? She mainly takes music photos, but there are also some fashion photos and other things there.
From her flickr:

There were some rad ones of Ben Lee but I refuse to post them on the principle Ben Lee is really, really annoying.

Anyway, that is all before I fall asleep at the keyboard. Goodnight and enjoy!

-Sally